The First Date

Stephany, 44, female

I never had a boyfriend in high school, not even a crush in middle school. I had my first date when I was twenty-one, although it was quite unintentional.

This guy and I worked together at our local grocery store. One day he asked if I wanted to go to the movies. We could see “What about Bob?” I liked Bill Murrey, I thought he was hilarious, so I said “sure”.

I though “Gary” just wanted to go to a movie like me and one of my other friends, a girl, often did. As I quickly found out, this was not the case. He came over to my house and I received a cute little stuffed bear in a gift bag. After a brief talk we were off to the movie theatre which was a short walk away.

I’m sorry to that that I was probably the worst date ever, or at least the worst one he ever had. It was so bad that Gary’s older sister called to talk to my mom. (I still lived at home.) The sister wondered if I was really twenty-one and told my mom some of the things that went on, like how I balked when her brother tried to kiss me, and how I had to be talked into holding hands with him. It was more than a little embarrassing for me and my mother had a bit of a laugh over it and told the sister I was “just shy”.

Her response ticked me off so much, because it was just stupid, that I replied “I am NOT shy!” loud enough for the sister to hear.

In the end, Gary, who was apparently broken-hearted that I had said “yes” to a date and then used him to see a movie, moved off to West Virginia about a week later. Our disastrous date had gotten around work too, so I guess he was too embarrassed to work there anymore. Last I heard, he had met a nice lady and had two kids.

I’ve often looked back sadly on my first date. And I swear, I had NO idea it was a date.

I never even thought about dates before, or even how guys and girls hooked up. When I would go through the hallways at school and notice them making out, (which disgusted me,) it never dawned on me how they got together. They just “were”.

Discovering that I am asexual was such a relief for me. Although my first date happened twenty-three years ago, I still feel awful about it because I knew I had hurt him pretty bad, unintentional as it was. I just couldn’t figure out how to explain why, exactly, I was so grossed out by the things he wanted to do, like when he wanted to make out.

But now that I know I am an asexual the puzzle pieces all fit. I can now explain why I don’t want to do this or why I don’t want to do that. And I know that there is a guy out there for me after all, somewhere, and even if I never meet my asexual Mr. Right, just having the knowledge of what I am is enough to make me happy.