Zeke’s Story

Zeke, male, 23, United States.
I think I had known I was asexual since before I had hit puberty, even though I did not have a word for what I was until I was well into my freshman year of college. It was during my time at university that I also came to realize I was a transsexual. A two-for-one, if you will.It was thanks to Tumblr that I first came across the term “asexual”. I do not recall how I stumbled across that particular asexual blog, but being a biology major – and having an intense interest in science in general – I did not like the misuse of the word simply because I knew it as ‘self-replicating’. Despite this, the expansive definition provided for ‘asexual’ on that Tumblr blog resonated with me.

I had been dating my boyfriend (now husband) for over two years at that point. I had never experienced anything more than a light crush on two guys before him, had only been with one guy before him (not by choice), and certainly hadn’t felt anything sexual toward my boyfriend in the time we had been dating. I did not like the act of sex and could barely stand the use of it in media. Again, I did not have a word for it in all that time, but I knew I was not sexually attracted to anyone or anything and that I did not like sex.

I thought I was somehow mentally ill or else had some sort of physiological issue which was resulting into what I thought was a low libido. But, ‘asexual’ seemed to fit me to a ‘T’. I was not mentally ill, my hormones were fine, and there were other people out there of the same persuasion.

Since discovering my sexuality, I’ve only ‘come out’ to a few people. My boyfriend, who was not the least bit surprised by this revelation (nor by my transsexuality); my sister, whose immediate response was ‘Are you sure you don’t have some medical condition? Because sex is awesome!’; my best friend of 11 years who seemed dumbfounded that I didn’t care for sex as it was an intensely ‘spiritual’ thing for her and her husband; and some online acquaintances who were disturbed by my lack of sexuality but were happy to openly discuss their very sexual, polyamorous, fetish-laden relationships.

I have no reason to ‘come out’ to anyone else. The only person who matters is accepting and understanding, while the mere idea that I have not had sex in nearly a year now is somehow troubling to my friends and it is certainly none of my in-laws’ business (though they too often make comments about whether my husband I will be having kids someday).

American society as a whole is okay with sex jokes and people openly discussing their sex lives on television, in literature, on the radio, and in movies, all of which is somehow more ‘normal’ than my asexuality.