Pilar’s Story

Pilar, female, 22, Spain.

I guess I’ve been like this all my life. During my childhood and early adolescence I didn’t even pay any attention to the subject of sex. It’s true that I’ve always felt different from other people, being shy, quiet and interested in completely different things, especially to the other girls. But I was quite happy nevertheless, I got along well with most people and I had my small group of close friends. The problem came when those friends started having boyfriends and talking about sex. I discovered that I wasn’t interested at all. I remember when my best friend told me about her first time and I was all bored like “mmmmm… ok” and she got angry with me. After that I began to wonder what was wrong with me, and came to the conclusion that I was in no hurry to have a boyfriend, I preferred to wait for the right person.

Then university came with new friends and new people, and I stopped worrying about such things again. However, the fact that I haven’t had a relationship or anything began to be a little embarrassing, so I tried to avoid the subject. Fortunately, at this point sex was no longer a novelty and people didn’t talk much about it. But then, almost without realizing it, I found myself dreaming of meeting someone suitable for me. This began to happen about four or five years ago; I pictured us talking a lot, hanging out, traveling or doing other activities outside or at home, sharing everything, occasionally holding hands, cuddling… Without giving much importance to sex.

In the meantime, I’ve had a few “suitors” but I’ve always ended up running away from them. They were not what I expected and I don’t know, I see people too obsessed with having a partner only to say they have one, or because they are afraid of being alone or something. Well, I can’t do that, to start a relationship I have to be very sure. So I’m still single, but happy. I’m still young enough, I have a lot of things I want to do, and a lot places I want to go, so I will have plenty of opportunities to meet someone.

But of course, this is all very good, but the thing is, I still haven’t felt sexual attraction to anyone, which I thought was weird. Girls, when they see someone who is “hot” (that is an abstract concept for me), are like “oh, I want this guy to f*** me so hard”, and I’m just like awkward and confused. So finally, I don’t remember how, I heard about the term “asexual”. I knew it existed but that was it. I looked it up on the internet… And here I am. Absolutely happy to know that I’m not alone, that there are a lot of people like me out there, and even more optimistic about the future.

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