chuckylover911’s Story

chuckylover911, female, 16, United States.

Some might find it strange, but I found out about asexuality through fanfiction. I remember reading the brief summary of this particular story where it stated one of the characters as being asexual. I’m going to be honest here and say that the story didn’t exactly intrigue me, and so I just skipped it to find a different one. The word wasn’t forgotten, however, and it stuck with me. It wasn’t until a few months later that I actually started to question my own sexuality.

I started to really question whether I was straight when I was 16. I think one of the reasons it took me so long to begin questioning myself is because I thought everyone else was like me: but when I could no longer think that way because high school proved I was wrong, I just brushed everyone off as weird, with me being the only normal one. And because of my stubborn attitude, it took me a while to even accept that I was a minority.

I was confused, and thought that because I was aesthetically attracted to people of both genders, that I was bi. This of course was not the case, and I maintained the idea for only short while before stumbling on a poll online encompassing sexuality. The options that could be selected were listed: straight, gay, bi, pansexual, and no sexuality. The last one caught my attention, and the word asexual suddenly come to mind. This time around I was prompted to actually do a little research of my own and found out quite a bit about asexuality.

I wasn’t fully convinced that I was asexual at first. I still had a mountain of doubts. You know, the stereotypical ones, like ‘I can’t be asexual if I masturbate/watch porn/think about sex,’ etc. Those stupid ideas are what kept me from accepting my asexuality. I still kept it as a possibility though, and I no longer thought that I was bi.

Another six months went by, and then it suddenly hit me. I’m asexual. It took so long for me to accept it. And now I have no doubt in my mind about who I am. All that matters is that I don’t experience sexual attraction.

Now, as for my romantic attraction, I identify as aromantic. I just never experienced the desire to be in a relationship with someone. Being an asexual aromantic is annoying in the sense that I have to deal with my mother’s constant nagging about how I should get a boyfriend. And yes that means I’m still not out to my family, or friends. I never thought I would ever have to come out before, much less be in this situation. But I want to and it’s weird.

Anyways, I’m still young, and when I do come out, I know nothing bad will happen. I do know my parents will be disappointed; they want me to find someone, get married and have kids. But that’s not what I want. I’ll be fine living my life without ever having a partner, or sex.

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